


So You Can Keep Me Inside the Pocket of Your Ripped Jeans

by Hazzathecurly



Category: One Direction
Genre: I REGRET NOTHING, I Tried, Louis and Harry lived together in high school, M/M, Why Did I Write This?, could maybe be major character death???, i know nothing about the english school system i'm american, oh right! thanks Kaly, why do italics and bolded words never work I am MAD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 10:03:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6850237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazzathecurly/pseuds/Hazzathecurly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Harry broke up. Louis finds a letter that makes him hope it's not too late to save them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So You Can Keep Me Inside the Pocket of Your Ripped Jeans

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again. I haven't posted in over a year but here I am. 8 writing workshops later I'm pretty sure this is better than what i've written in the past but anyways. I hope you like this (or cry... I know I did) and yea.

“No mum. I can’t stay here I just- I need to start over I need to find myself I need to go elsewhere I need to-” A neatly folded piece of paper fell from one one of the beat up binders as Louis attempted to place it in a box. He examined the paper and picked it up from the soiled carpet while his mum continued to stare disapprovingly.

“Louis, darling, I’m not gonna stop you, just- just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into ok?” She uncrossed her arms to run a hand through her long hair.

“Mum I know, I’ll be fine” He didn’t look up. He wasn’t listening anymore. Louis had now turned his full attention to the crumpled up note in his hand which as far as he could tell started with the words “Dearest Louis,”

~*~

It was his after his fourth year of Uni. His mum and stepdad both attended his graduation along with all his little sisters and his brother. He got the diploma and went onstage to receive it in full cap and gown, as far as he knew he was set for life in Doncaster. Planning to move in with his long term boyfriend James and settling down. Everything seemed clear. That was, of course, until James decided that he and Louis wanted very different things and disappeared very shortly after graduation leaving Louis, and all their plans behind.

That got Louis thinking. What was there to hold him back from doing the same? 

His answer was almost immediate... absolutely nothing.

He began packing almost immediately. At first it was just small details his mum wouldn’t notice like packing away notebooks or putting away records. His packing slowly escalated to full boxes of t-shirts and whole shelves of books. He had even started putting away extra money from his job to make sure he could actually make his new lifestyle work. He had no idea where he was going or what he was going to do. Louis kinda felt like he was running away. He couldn’t help the slight pang of guilt he felt every time he thought about deserting his family. Part of him was debating to stay. But the other part, the larger part, just needed to get the hell out.

His mum began to catch on surprisingly quick. She would make constant remarks about how Louis seemed very distant and would ask if we was doing ok. Louis would always dismiss her concerns and assure her he was doing just fine. She began to pretend she didn’t see her son slowly falling apart.

Louis had his low points. He would encounter a picture of an old friend or a yearbook from secondary school. Things that would make him want to rethink his whole plan. Things that fueled the urge to hold back. He convinced himself that those memories were just another reason to leave.

~*~

It was a tuesday afternoon when it finally happened, Louis was in the middle of packing the last of his belongings into the beat up minivan his father left behind after his parents got divorced when his mum stormed outside.

“Don’t you want to live here anymore?” she questioned. ”Louis, baby, is this about James? Because if it is we can figure this out” Johanna stood in front of the car, restricting Louis from putting anything else inside. 

“Mum it’s not about him I promise.” Louis took both of his mum’s hands into his own 

“This is all about me. Nobody but me.” 

Louis walked back inside the house and sat on the worn out mattress in the middle of his room. Jay followed.

“Louis can’t you just stay? We can make it work I can help you.” She pleaded.

“No mum. I can’t stay here I just- I need to start over I need to find myself I need to go elsewhere I need to-” A neatly folded piece of paper fell from one one of the beat up binders as Louis attempted to place it in a box. He examined the paper and picked it up from the soiled carpet while his mum continued to stare disapprovingly.

“Louis, darling, I’m not gonna stop you, just- just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into ok?” She uncrossed her arms to run a hand through her long hair.

“Mum I know, I’ll be fine” He didn’t look up. He wasn’t listening anymore. Louis had now turned his full attention to the crumpled up note in his hand which as far as he could tell started with the words “Dearest Louis,”

His mum left the room leaving him alone with his thoughts.

~*~

The piece of paper was wrinkled and folded into a small square.It looked quite a few years old. Louis traced the edges and began to unfold it.

The handwriting on the letter was neat. The letters very carefully scribbled on the lines. Sentences formated into small paragraphs. If Louis didn’t know any better he would’ve probably thought it was something he wrote for a literature class.

He skimmed the letter and ran a hand through his hair. 

It was from him

~*~

 

Dearest Louis,

I know we broke up little over a month ago but I really need to set the record straight. (no pun intended.) Shelby meant absolutely nothing to me. She kissed me and I was drunk, I took things too far and you weren’t there. Louis I would never cheat on you purposely. Ever. You’re the sun, the moon and the stars you brought so much light and positivity to my life I can’t imagine living without you. I am so sorry I’m such a coward and can’t face you in person. I know you’re going off to Uni back home in Doncaster, we always talked about me coming with you remember? 

Louis I’m sorry I fucked up. I’m sorry I broke all my promises. I’m sorry I don’t have the courage to talk to you. I know you won’t take me back. You have no reason to. Just hear me out okay? The day we you left me I didn’t get out of bed. Gems had to literally drag me out. If it wasn't for her I'd probably still be laying there. I know that high school relationships aren’t meant to last. I’m very much aware that you didn’t plan for any of this to happen. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined our plans. I'm sorry I ruined everything we worked for. I’m sorry.

Louis Tomlinson you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m not afraid to admit that. I hope that someday we will meet again. Even if I can’t have you the way I used to. Even if I can only get a glimpse of you on the street, hell, even if you completely forget me and don’t acknowledge my presence ever again. I hope I get to see you again.

Never in my entire life did I think I’d love someone I much as I loved and will forever love you. Louis, You were my first love. You were my first kiss, you took me on the adventure of a lifetime. Nothing will ever compare to you. Ever.

Take care of yourself okay? Find someone who deserves you. All of you. I hope you find someone who makes you very happy. You deserve so much more than what I was able to give you. You deserve more than anyone could ever offer to be completely honest, I hope you find that.

I hope your life is great and that you find everything you’ve ever looked for. I’ll see you again okay? 

 

Eternally Yours,  
Harry Styles.

~*~

Harry Styles.

Harry.

His Harry; well, at least he used to be.

Louis stared at the letter.

“I’m sorry”

“I fucked up”

“Eternally Yours”

Did he mean that?

~*~

*flashback*

“FOR FUCKS SAKE HARRY.” Louis paces angrily around their bedroom. “YOU CAN’T FUCKING SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ELSE THEN COME BACK HERE AND TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.” he was screaming but his words felt useless.

Harry sat on the edge of the bed, face in his hands, sobbing. “LOUIS I WAS DRUNK YOU-YOU KNOW THAT. I DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED THAT’S WHY I’M FUCKING TELLING YOU” he wipes tears from his eyes.

“BUT WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE? HARRY YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS TO ME HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO ME.YOU-” Louis pauses, he takes a deep breath and lets out a sarcastic chuckle. “It’s just- it just baffles me that you would go on to have sex with a random chick at a party when you haven’t even had sex with me.” he shakes his head.

Louis grabs his coat and begins to walk out. Harry’s breath hitches and he finally looks up “Louis- Louis wait”

Louis turns around to face Harry 

“I love you” Harry’s voice is barely a whisper.

“Goodbye Harry.” Louis grabs his phone and takes off Harry’s class ring, leaving it on the nightstand. The ring clinks on the smooth wooden surface as Louis walks away. He makes sure to hang his set of keys on the rack before letting himself out.

*end flashback*

~*~

Stupid. That’s all Louis could think of himself. He spend all 4 of these past goddamn years persuaded that Harry wasn’t the least bit sorry and now here he was holding a letter from him expressing his undying love. Louis almost found it comical..almost.

He looked at the date of the letter; June 14th. The day of graduation. The last time he ever saw Harry. Louis remembers that day with uttermost clarity. His best mate Liam forced him to attend the damned event even though he insisted he could just get his diploma in the mail. He knew he would have to see Harry. S before T and all. He remembers locking eyes with him at one point, for only a split second, he had found himself wanting to go back to him, wanting to forgive everything, The feeling disappeared as soon as it came. His mind flooded with memories from the night which made looking at Harry unbearable. Louis slipped away from the ceremony before they even got a chance to say goodbye.

Louis knew it was wrong to just leave the way he did. Finding the god damn letter 4 years too late just added a load to his ever growing mountain of guilt. He knew he overreacted. Although he did have the right to be mad, that did not mean he had the right to leave the way he did. He needed to do something. Anything.

~*~

Who knew so many people named “Harry Styles” existed on facebook?

Louis spent the remainder of his afternoon searching the internet for his Harry. 3 hours and 8 bags of crisps later, He found out Harry had moved back to his home in Cheshire where he had recently graduated Uni with a degree in Law. He also found out Harry grew out his hair. His once tight ringlets were now long chocolate waves. His eyes remained the same though; bright and emerald, they suited him very much.

From what Louis could tell from Harry’s recent posts; he was making a move to Manchester within the next month for a job. Louis raised an eyebrow. Never in a million years would he have expected for Harry to pursue law. But here he was, all pretty and successful…. 

Louis bookmarked the address from Harry’s page and closed his laptop. He wasn’t gonna go after Harry (at least that’s what he told himself). Harry was probably out and about living his life with a rich ass boyfriend and no recollection of Louis...right?

He closed his eyes to get some sleep. His bedroom was now completely empty with the exception of his mattress and a phone charger….everything was in his car….ready to go…. He stood up and scribbled a note for his mum. 

I need to make things right with Harry. I promise I’ll be back. I love you.  
x Louis

He found his reason to leave.

~*~

Louis’ car only made it about halfway of his journey before he had to stop for gas. How anticlimactic.He bought two espresso shots and a turkey sandwich before he was back on his way.

The trip itself was only about an hour and 30 minutes. Darkness surrounded his car all around and the road was completely clear. Louis looked at his phone for the time; 3:45 in the morning. He had to rest at some point. He pulled up into the car park of a shopping center and closed his eyes. He was gonna see Harry again 

That night his dreams were filled with memories of the curly haired boy. Pleasant ones. Like when they were both in year 10 and Harry got his licence, or the time Louis surprised Harry over the holiday break with a trip to Leeds. He felt happiness again. Just as he was about to drift out consciousness he swore he could feel Harry’s warmth next to him for the first time in years. He felt at home.

 

~*~

9:30 the following morning Louis found himself standing in front of what was supposedly Harry’s house. It was a red brick two story surrounded by flower beds. There were two cars parked in the driveway. Both nicer than what Louis and his family had. His family. Guilt tricked up his spine. How they were doing? Did his mum tell his siblings? He checked his phone to see a message from his mum.

Be back by saturday. I want details.

At least that was one less thing to worry about. He put his phone back in his pocket and took a deep breath. He was gonna see Harry again.

Louis knocked softly, as if the door were going to collapse from the most gentle touch. The door opened after only a few seconds and he was acquainted with a pair of green eyes, only this pair didn’t belong to Harry.

~*~

“Louis?” Gemma’s voice rang with familiarity. Her eyes still had a glow to them even though it looked like she had been crying

“Hi Gems.” Louis began to reach out for her arm in an attempt to hug her. Gemma took a step back. Louis tried not to take it personally.

“Look I know you didn’t think you would ever see me again but I need to see Harry again, I-I made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving and I never thought he would ever want to see me again but then he left a note and I knew I had to come back just let me see him please.” Louis was out of breath and his heart was pounding in his chest.

Gemma was completely taken aback. “Didn’t you hear? She looked right into Louis’ eyes and sniffled.

“Harry’s gone.”

“To Manchester?”

“No Louis, Harry’s dead.”

Gemma began to sob and Louis attempted to hug her again. This time she wrapped herself in his arms and cried on his shoulder. Louis was in too much in shock to cry.

~*~

Gemma ended up inviting him in. Mostly out of common courtesy, but she did. Harry’s mum Anne was still at the hospital and his stepfather was at work. Gemma’s hands shook as she offered him tea. 

Louis looked at his surroundings. The interior of the house was much like the front. There was a vintage accent about the whole place. Harry definitely picked it out. Harry. The mantel was decorated with pictures of him. Louis inspected them all. Harry when he graduated Uni next to one after he graduated high school. Then another one from the day he got his first car. He was everywhere.

Gemma noticed him looking at the pictures. “That was a good day” she pointed at a picture of her and Harry skiing. “It was two years ago. He loved it there.” Louis smiled to himself. He could picture Harry pushing his sister into the snow and laughing, he could imagine him skiing down the hills and bragging about his accomplishments. 

She walked back to the battered couch and motioned Louis to sit.

“It happened two days ago.” She kept her face down and her hands folded in her lap.

“He told everyone he was gonna go look for a job out in Manchester but- he told me before he left that he- Louis he was going back for you.” She allowed herself to move some hair out of her face to look at Louis. “He was speeding in the dark and his car derailed. The doctors said the impact killed him.” Louis’ breath hitched and Gemma let her gaze down once again.

“ No no. That’s impossible. He-he moved on, he had a life here why would he-” Louis paused abruptly. “Harry. My Harry.” He whispered to himself. The thought of seeing him in pain made Louis want to scream into a void. 

“I’ll see you again ok?” Harry’s scribbles made their way into Louis’ thoughts.

“He never did- move on, you know?.” Gemma continued to speak. “I don’t think there was ever a day he went through without mentioning your name at least once if I'm completely honest.” She shrugged. “My mum and I knew it was only a matter of time before he got the courage to get you back.” she stirred her tea without looking up.

Louis sat in silence. Harry had planned to come back.

Gemma stood up. “Come with me, I have something to show you.”

~*~

Harry’s room looked very much like he imagined it. His desk was impeccable. All his books sat in alphabetical order on a mahogany shelf. He had a guitar case sitting in a corner and some textbooks piled on a chair. It all looked like him. Gemma opened a drawer and pulled out a small notebook with a faux leather cover.

“He wrote in here everyday” She traced the outer edge and wrapped her hand around a round object hanging from a piece of ribbon. Louis stepped closer and Gemma opened her hand.

His ring.

Louis ran a hand through his hair before grabbing the journal from Gemma. She crossed her hands in front of her. “I think the kettle is burning. I’ll leave you alone for a bit.” She ran her hand on the door frame as she left.

The cover of Harry’s journal was covered in quotes and poetry. The edges were worn out and some pages were ripped. Harry’s class ring hung on a piece of red ribbon that served as a bookmark. Louis untied the ring and placed it on his finger. 

“Back in its rightful place.” he thought.

The contents of the book could only be described as pure art. There was a variation of song lyrics and poems along with a few sketches; they were all of Louis. As he flipped through the notebook a page covered in yellow highlighter caught his eye.

If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you  
I think I might give up everything, just ask me to

Pay attention, I hope that you listen cause I let my guard down  
Right now I'm completely defenseless

For your eyes only, I show you my heart  
For when you're lonely and forget who you are  
I'm missing half of me when we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only

I've got scars, even though they can't always be seen  
And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing

Pay attention, I hope that you listen cause I let my guard down  
Right now I'm completely defenseless

For your eyes only, I show you my heart  
For when you're lonely and forget who you are  
I'm missing half of me when we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only

I can feel your heart inside of mine  
(I feel it, I feel it)  
I've been going out of my mind  
(I feel it, I feel it)  
Know that I'm just wasting time  
And I

Hope that you don't run from me

For your eyes only,

I show you my heart

For when you're lonely

And forget who you are  
I'm missing half of me

When we're apart

Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only, I show you my heart  
For when you're lonely and forget who you are  
I'm missing half of me when we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only  
For your eyes only

Louis closed the journal and put it in his pocket. He wasn’t going to run anymore.

~*~

Gemma offered him to let him stay. Anne came home that night and the moment she saw Louis she ran into his arms. She was more than happy to provide him with whatever he needed.

Louis spent the night in Harry’s room, with Harry’s belongings, in Harry’s clothes. It felt like an adolescent fantasy in a way. He only wished Harry was there to complete it. 

He wished there was a way to talk to Harry. To continue to feel his presence. Louis took out the worn out notebook from the pocket of his jeans and flipped to a blank page.

“Dear Harry….”

~*~

Harry’s burial service was the following morning. He arrived holding onto Anne on one hand and Gemma on the other. 

Louis felt out of place. All these people were very close to Harry. They all loved and cherished him. Louis just felt like the asshole that abandoned him and broke his heart.

Anne decided on an open casket.Louis found it very sentimental. He wasn’t sure he was ready to see the love of his life lying lifeless. Louis approached him as he reached into the pocket of his blazer to pull out a note. He looked at Harry. He looked so peaceful. So beautiful.

“You told me we would meet again” Louis choked back tears. “Look at you, you were right.” He felt the urge to touch him. Hold his hand. Kiss him one last time like nothing else mattered in the world. He unfolded the note and held it to his chest.

“Harry. I'm so sorry it had to be like this.” He gathered enough courage to caress his cheek. He tucked the note under Harry’s arm and gave him one last glance. I love you.

~*~  
Dear Harry,

Oh god I'm such an asshole. I'm so sorry I let you down the way I did. I was childish and selfish I would never in a million year want to cause you pain. 

Harry I had no idea you still loved me, I was convinced you wanted nothing to do with me. I hurt you and you didn't deserve that. Harry you had absolutely nothing to be sorry for ok? Baby it was all on me. I just can't believe I ever let it come to this.

Harry you are the most kindhearted soul I have met (and probably will ever meet) in my entire life. You lit up every room you walked in you always made everyone smile. Damn it Harry you made me so happy. I can't believe I let that go.

I was beyond foolish. I don’t think there are words strong enough to express how much I wish I could take it all back. I’m sorry I acted the way I did. I know it wasn’t your fault. I should’ve believed you. We should’ve moved on. I’m the reason we didn’t get the happy ending we deserved.

I love you. I never ever stopped loving you. I’m never gonna stop loving you. I tried to move on, I really did but nobody is anything compared to you.

Harry, I really hope you’re in peace now. God you just had so much ahead of you and I can’t believe I have to write this because I can’t talk to you. It’s all a constant reminder that this is all my fault. I hope you’re ok. I kinda hope you look after me. You always fit the qualities of an angel. My angel.

I miss you already and I’m gonna miss you even more every single day. I don’t know how I ever lived without having you around. I miss the way your eyes sparkled when you got excited. I miss the way your lips felt on mine. I miss having you to cuddle me. I miss and will forever miss every aspect of you.

You promised we would meet again and I’m holding you to that. I’ll see you again someday and we’ll get our happy ending. I promise.

 

Always in my heart Harry Styles. Yours sincerely,  
Louis

~*~

It was days before Louis found the strength to visit Harry. He sat next to him and laid near his spot in the ground, whispering I love you’s and telling him stories. It was never enough. It could never be enough. 

“You know how you always wrote me music?” Louis laid tracing patterns on the grass.

“Well I wrote you something. And I think you would've quite liked it. Louis pulled out Harry’s notebook and flipped it to the bookmark. “Harry I really wish you could hear me.”

“Make a little conversation, so long I’ been waiting to let go of myself and feel alive…”

~*~

Louis Tomlinson was reunited with his Harry 60 years later. Louis kept his promise to never leave again and Harry kept his of loving Louis for eternity.

 

End.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry??? anyways let me know if it was good. twitter: @explicitwink


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